That's why I'm here
by swimlets3
Summary: a year and a half after Rayna dropped Deacon off at rehab for the fifth time. How does she react being back in Nashville with all the memories of them? what happens when she finds out Deacon has stayed sober this time? and what happens when Rayna hears him sing a new song?
1. Chapter 1

No pregnancy, no marriage to Teddy... none of its mine the song in it is That's why I'm here by Kenny Chesney...

I've tried to put the past behind me for the last year and a half. Trying to move on from the heartache I've felt since i have broken up with Deacon. He is the love of my life the one I am suppose to be with for all eternity but the problem is he doesn't love me more than alcohol. I tried to stay with him I honestly did but after I had to drop him off at rehab for the fifth time I couldn't take the pain anymore. I didn't believe he would get sober this time even though I truly wanted to so, before I left him at rehab I told him that as much as I loved him we couldn't be together anymore. I locked myself in my room and cried for a straight week and even had gone as far as refusing to eat anything. Everyone was worried about me scared of what I might do to myself if I didn't snap out of it so to get everyone off of my case I left my room, started to eat again, and go out more. But don't let that fool you into thinking I was fine I was far from it, I became just a shell of a person.

Daddy decided he couldn't stand to see me looking like something that came back from the dead so he set up a date for me with an inspiring politician Teddy Conrad and I reluctantly agreed to go. The date ended up being a total dud because I knew no one was ever going to make me feel like Deacon did and I refused to settle with anybody because that would not be fair to me or to them, plus Teddy was boring as all get out.

After the failed date I decided to focus on my music again it took a while to get used to the idea that Deacon wouldn't be coming back but I wouldn't let that stop me from doing what I love to do. Soon the band and I found a new lead guitarist he wasn't as good as Deacon but he worked and we went touring all over the United States, with sold out venues everywhere.

But now I'm back in Nashville and everything that I have been running from and trying to put in my rear view mirror is now back in view. All the memories that I tried to forget because thinking about them broke me came back in a flash. At this point I realized that I hadn't heard anything from Deacon and I wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not. I didn't know if he was sober, if he had another relapse, or if he had died. The thought of him being dead made me sick to my stomach to the point where I wanted to throw up. A part of me wanted to call him to see how he was doing but I realized that I had no right to do that anymore. But I had to know if he was alive and how he was doing, so I called the one person who would know, Coleman. The sad thing was when I called him up and asked him how Deacon was I truly expected for him to say that he relapsed again. But to my utter surprise he told me that Deacon has been sober for a year and a half and this time he is determined to keep it that way.

Hearing this broke me heart instead of making me happy like it should have. Deacon has never been sober for a year let alone over a year the longest he has made it before was six months. At this point so many thoughts went through my head from why hadn't I believed he could do this time, why hadn't I given him the benefit of the doubt and waited to see what would happen? To what if he couldn't stay sober because of me? I mean I break up with him and leave him alone and this time he manages to make it over a year of sobriety. That thought alone makes me cry and even made me throw up this time.

I start to think that maybe I'm not ready to be faced with a town filled with nothing but memories of Deacon and I but I have not choice the tour is over and I have no where else to go. Walking around Nashville I come across a place that holds the most memories of us; The Bluebird, this place is where we got our start, it's where I became Rayna James, and its where Deacon told me he loved me for the first time. The Bluebird held all of our best memories and some of our worst ones as well.

I had no idea why but I couldn't help but go in it was like there was an invisible force pulling me in even though I didn't want to because I wasn't ready to face those memories yet. When I walked in I kept my head down and went to sit in the back the last thing that I want is to be recognized by anyone and be forced to sing here. That alone would bring up more memories that I am trying to drive away from and besides I can't sing here without Deacon.

I was deep in thought until a voice I hadn't heard in over a year cut through my thoughts and got my attention. When I saw him at the mic my heart stopped, he looked amazing healthy even, the last time I saw him he looked like he was on the bridge to death.

" Hey y'all its good to see you guys again, I hope y'all don't mind but I have a new song and I would love to share it with y'all". My heart started beating really fast and soon I couldn't breathe, I could feel my head start to spin and a part of me wanted to leave but the large part of me wanted to hear him sing. The song he sang broke a part of my heart and even brought tears to my eyes, it was like torture to listen to this.

"No I ain't had nothing to drink  
I knew thats probably what you'd think  
If I dropped by this time of night  
Remember way back when  
I promised you I'd drop in  
At one of those meetings down at the Y

Well, they started talkin bout steps you take  
Mistakes you make  
The hearts you break  
And the price you pay  
I almost walked away

You could hear a pin drop  
When this old man  
Stood up and said I'm gonna' say it again  
Like I do every week  
For those who don't know me

It's the simple things in life  
Like the kids at home and a loving wife  
That you miss the most, when you lose control  
And everything you love starts to disappear  
The devil takes your hand and says no fear  
Have another shot, just one more beer  
Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here

This ole boy stood up in the aisle  
Said he'd been living a life of denial  
And he cried as he talked about wasted years  
I couldn't believe what I heard  
It was my life word for word  
And all of the sudden it was clear

It's the simple things in life  
Like the kids at home and a loving wife  
That you miss the most, when you lose control  
And everything you love starts to disappear  
The devil takes your hand and says no fear  
Have another shot, just one more beer  
Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here

I know for us it may be too late  
But it would mean the world to me  
If you were there when I stand to say  
It's the simple things in life  
Like the kids at home and a loving wife  
That you miss the most, when you lose

control and everything you love starts to disappear the devil takes your hand and says no fear have another shot just one more beer Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here Oh I've been there that's why I'm here

By the end of the song I was full fledged crying and so was Deacon from what I could see. Everyone could see the pain he was feeling but no knew how much truth that song he has just sung held. His drinking did cost him the one person he loved and a part of me hated myself for leaving him even if all i was trying to do was save my own heart. At this point I couldn't take it any longer I had to leave I could feel my insides churning and I couldn't breath it was like I was suffocating. So I got up and ran outside as soon as I was out I threw up. Soon someone was standing behind me holding my hair back and rubbing my back to help calm me down, I knew without even looking that it was Deacon I mean who else would it be. But knowing that he was right there only made me cry harder then before I knew what was happening I was turned in his arms and I was crying on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a good ten minutes before I calmed down and as soon as I was a pulled out of his arms and took a step back from him. I couldn't stand to be to close to him because it always drove me crazy. We said nothing to each other, we just stood there starring at one another trying to figure out what to do or even what to say.

Deep down I wanted him back because like I said before he was the love of my life and he was actually but a big part of me wasn't ready to get back with him after all the pain he caused and even though he has done real good a staying sober there is still a big chance he will relapse and I will never forgive myself if he relapses after we got back together.

So I turned around and walked away breaking the last piece of my heart with every step I took away from him, and I realized something that just because people belong together doesn't mean that they end up together.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a year since Rayna walked away from me again. I could see the battle that was raging inside of her as she tried to figure out what to do. I could see the heart broken look on her face when she turned away from me and walked away. For the first month after she left I was angry, I mean I got sober and still that wasn't good enough for her. After that month I realized that she might be scared that if we got back together I would relapse. So my anger that I held soon turned into sadness and despair. I thought that I may never be good enough for her again because of what I put her through. There will never be a day that goes by that I won't hate myself for breaking my promise to never hurt her like so many others did.

When I heard that Rayna will be in Nashville for one night to sing for a fundraiser to help with music programs in school I knew I had to go. Some may call me masochistic because I knew seeing her and seeing her perform without me will hurt me but I figured that it couldn't hurt as much as not seeing her has. All to soon or not soon enough; depending on how I looked at it the music program fundraiser concert was here and I was getting ready to see Rayna perform.

When I got to the auditorium a part of me wanted to run away because I haven't even seen Rayna yet and already my heart was breaking. But I also realized that if I left now I would regret it for years to come. I tuned out the entire first part of the concert not caring who was singing or what they sang, I was only interested in seeing Rayna sing. So while I was sitting there waiting I let all the memories of us come to the front of my mind, the good and even the bad ones.

If I had to pick my favorite memory of us was after we had been dating for three months and I knew that she was the love of my life but I was to afraid of telling her that. I had been skating around with telling her for about two weeks and every time I tried to tell her I would end up chickening out. So that night we were at The Bluebird and I told myself that tonight I will tell her my feelings no matter what. The night progressed and I still couldn't find the courage to tell her when I heard the final call for open mic night. When I heard that I knew just what to do, if I couldn't say it I could sing it. Besides I was always better at singing than I was at talking especially if it involved any emotions.

So I walked on stage, picked up a guitar, looked at Rayna who you could tell was very confused, and then I addressed the crowd. " Hey y'all, so there's been somethin' that I have been wantin' to tell my girlfriend; Miss Rayna James for awhile now and every time I try I would end up chickenin' out. So I thought I would just sing it instead. This is for you Ray." Once I had finished talking I started to play To Make You Feel My Love by Garth Brooks.

When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I would offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue_  
_  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love

Mmmmm...

The storms are raging on a rolling sea  
Down the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
you ain't see nothin' like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do,  
go to the ends of the earth for you,  
make you happy, make your dreams come true-  
to make you feel my love

When I finished I saw that Rayna was crying but had this huge smile on her face which put one on mine to. Soon the entire audience was on their feet clapping and screaming. When all of the sudden you could hear someone scream, " Well are you gonna say it back or what?" Which had caused everyone to start laughing. When I got off the stage and went over to Rayna, she pulled me into a deep kiss and told me she loved me too. I can't remember a time I was every that happy unfortunately it wasn't long before I started to screw everything up.

I was getting ready to dive into another memory of us when I heard them welcome Rayna James onto the stage. When I saw her I didn't know if my heart going to either leap out of my chest or break into a million pieces. When I looked at her I realized that she looked different then when she usually is on stage to perform. Where her eyes use to shine with excitement now look dull and the smile that was plastered on her face was completely fake. I could tell she was suffering as much as I was with us being apart from one another. I couldn't help think, why couldn't I get sober sooner? She started talking to the crowd by welcoming them to the concert before she started to play a song I haven't heard before. This broke my heart because we use to write music together and now she was doing it without me. When she started to sing I swear she was looking right at me.

Imagine a world where no music was playing And think of a Church with nobody praying Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue Then you've seen a picture of me without you

Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing If you've seen a red rose unkissed by the dew Then you've seen a picture of me without you

And you picture Heaven with no angels singing Or a quiet Sunday morning with no Church bells ringing If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two Then you've seen a picture of me without you

And you picture Heaven with no angels singing Or a quiet Sunday morning with no Church bells ringing If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two Then you've seen a picture of me without you Then you've seen a picture of me without you

By the time she finished the song I swear there was no dry eyes in the entire audience including mine. I was pretty sure that if my heart wasn't breaking before it was now. Rayna thanked everyone for coming and reminded everyone to donate money for the music programs before she literally ran off the stage. If I had to bet she ran off to cry because I noticed how she was trying to hold them back, not one to look weak in front of her fans.

I wanted to talk to her actually no, I needed to talk to her but I couldn't. So I got up and walked out taking my broken heart with me with every step I took. How can two people know they belong together and know they want to be together keep breaking one another hearts.


	3. Chapter 3

**NOT MINE... THE SONGS IN HERE OUR FREE BY FAITH HILL AND DO YOU REMEMBER BY BLAKE SHELTON... I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME SONG SUGGESTIONS... I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK NATBENSON FOR HELPING ME GET THROUGH THIS CHAPTER ESPECIALLY THE ENDING**

How is it possible that walking away from him broke my heart more than breaking up with him? While everyone in my band seems to be having good times and enjoying life I feel like mines stopped. They tried to cheer me up at first but soon they realized that it was futile, so they just left me be. I never thought I would regret anything more than breaking up with Deacon but I was wrong, walking away from him the second time was a lot worse. Every time I close my eyes I see the look on his face when I turned and walked away from him and because of that now I am an insomniac and if that wasn't bad enough Deacon just had to show up to the fundraiser concert a few weeks ago.

Seeing him again even though we hadn't talked to one another made the pain in my heart that I was feeling worse than it was before. Not to mention the song I had sung didn't help matters because it held so much truth in the lyrics about movies they make it seem that falling in love is painless but in actuality it is gut wrenchingly painful because you are not being told what would be a good line to say, what the right move to make and, your fate isn't already planned out to the last detail.

I remember the first time I had sung at the Bluebird which happens to be the first time I had sung in front of an audience. For the entire week leading up to my debut performance I was pretty sure I was going to be sick. I couldn't get the fact that so many famous country artist got their start there out of my head. This was my chance to make the dream I have had since I was a little girl come true, my chance to be a country singer. When the day of my debut arrived I just wanted to stay home and hide from the world and I would have if it hadn't been for Deacon. When he got to my house he literally had to drag me out of my house and put me in his car so we could leave.

When we pulled up to the Bluebird he had turned to me and told me that everyone gets nervous but extraordinary people overcame those nerves they felt and that I had an amazing voice and that I deserved this chance to shine and show people that I can do this. That was one thing I have always liked about Deacon he always knew what to say to help me calm down when I'm panicked. Also he was the only friend I had and the only one who didn't treat me like a spoiled princess.

After our conversation we had gone inside to watch the other performances before it was our turn to get up there. All to soon they announced mine and Deacon's name to get up on stage, I felt like either running away or passing out at that moment. When I was on stage I started to address the crowd, " Hey y'all, well I just wrote this new song and my friend over here thought I should perform it for y'all. So if this goes bad y'all can blame him." As soon as the music started playing all my nervous energy seemed to have melted away and I couldn't even remember why I was nervous in the first place.

"I had it tough when I was just a little kid It didn't matter what I thought It didn't matter what I did I felt the doubt for what I lacked right from the start It did a number on my head It could never touch my heart  
'Cause I had just enough imagination Just enough to keep the faith That somehow I would think of what to do When I'd get lost in a momentary weakness of emotion All the angels came around to help me through  
Life blows fast changes, wind blows past pages All I see is I don't need this High strung tightrope walk, ticking time bomb clock Scratch my name off, cut these chains  
I'm free, kickin' out of that prison, I am free Singin' those words of wisdom, let it be Nobodys gonna put the blues inside of me  
And in the stress to be the best I've done it all I've slammed the doors, I've jammed the locks I've laid the bricks, I've built the walls No one could tell me back then why joy eluded me Kept bumping into that misery Locked up deep down inside of me  
Took that rage and I, turned that page and I Packed my tools, went back to school, yeah And I passed my graduation, and I hold my Ph.d In crash test blues I paid those dues  
I'm free, kickin' out of that prison, I am free Singin' those words of wisdom, let it be Nobody's gonna put the blues inside of me, yeah  
Time flies by in photographs And paper scraps and songs Here I stand in ruby slippers Three taps takes me home  
Yeah, I'm free I'm free  
I'm free, kickin' out of that prison, I am free Singin' those words of wisdom, let it be Nobody's gonna put the blues inside of me, Ohh yeah  
I'm free I'm free I'm free Yeah, I'm free  
Time flies by in photographs And paper scraps and songs Here I stand in ruby slippers Three taps takes me home  
Yeah, I'm free Yeah, I'm free I'm free Ohh yeah I'm free Free"

When I had finished I noticed that everyone was standing for a standing ovation, it was one of the best moments in my life. "Thank y'all for letting me share this song with y'all tonight", I said before I walked off stage to go sit down. Not even five minutes later Mr. Watty White came over and told me and Deacon that we had potential to be something big in country music and that he would love to record us sometime. For awhile that was one of our best days in our entire life.

Without Deacon I never would have here he's the one who made it possible for me to get up on that stage and sing. I would have ran away had he had not haven been there to tell me that I could do this and no one deserves this more than me. Why couldn't things have stayed as they were back then? Why did he have to become an alcoholic and ruin everything? Why did I have to fall in love with him? I ask these questions everyday since I walked away from him and probably ruined any chance we had at getting back together. I was about to get up and go to sleep when a song came on the radio that stopped me in my tracks, Blake Shelton's Do You Remember.

Where are you now?  
Who's holdin' you now?  
When your world stands still, do you remember?  
Leave were fallin'  
We were fallin'  
Almost like a dream, do you remember?

Seasons changed  
We both changed  
Sometimes I

go back to when

We ran, put our feet in the water  
We danced, didn't care who could see  
We sang every song to each other  
Summer would end, but not for me  
I still feel the hope in your kisses  
I still feel the sun on your skin  
I swear I was holdin' forever back then  
Do you remember?

Where I am now  
Is where I should be now  
You're so far away, but always with me

And it seems like  
Another life  
Whenever I go back to when

We ran, put our feet in the water  
We danced, didn't care who could see  
We sang every song to each other  
Summer would end, but not for me  
I still feel the hope in your kisses  
I still feel the sun on your skin  
I swear I was holdin' forever back then  
Do you remember?

We ran, we kissed, we learned to love, to live

We ran, put our feet in the water  
We danced, didn't care who could see  
We sang every song to each other  
Summer would end, but not for me  
I still feel the hope in your kisses  
I still feel the sun on your skin  
I swear I was holdin' forever back then  
Do you remember?  
Do you remember?

By the end of the song I was crying so hard I couldn't see anything it was almost like that song was made for us. It held so much truth about what is going in our relationship especially the line you're so far away but always with me. No matter how many miles that get between us he always happens to be with me in memories. I get up and go to my room when I notice the song book that holds all the songs that me and deacon have written together laying on my bed. I haven't used that book since we broke up because it held too many memories and I was pretty sure I had thrown it away. But there it was and for some reason I went over to it picked it up and flipped through it in the first time in years. When I was going through it I noticed a picture fall out so I bent down and picked it up. The picture was of me and deacon when we were still so in love that you could even see that through the picture itself. Seeing that picture made my heartache and I realized that no matter what I do or how far I travel I will never stop loving deacon. We have caused each other so much heartache and pain but even with that I know I can no longer live without him.


	4. Chapter 4

**No place that far Sara Evans and Between the raindrops Lifehouse = NOT MINE... I finally figured out how to write this chapter thank you Natbenson for being there to help me find one of these songs...**

I can't listen to country radio anymore because every time I turn it on one of Rayna's songs are on or some host is talking about her. I figured I see her every time I try to go to sleep I don't need to hear songs that I use to sing or play with her during the day. I didn't believe it was possible to miss her more than I did when she walked away but that was until I walked away myself. I keep thinking that if I hadn't had been a coward we could have gotten back together and thinking things like that breaks my heart even more. When the pain in my heart gets to bad I think about going and getting a drink to drown my sorrows but then I realize that drinking was the reason we are even in this mess.

Driving around Nashville because sitting in the house that Rayna use to share with me wasn't doing my broken heart any good, I saw a sign advertising the CMA with you guessed it Rayna Jaymes on it. Seeing that billboard reminded me of the first time Rayna had been nominated for a CMA, she couldn't believe it because the only person who didn't know how amazing she is was Rayna herself. She kept telling me up until the CMA night that she was happy just to be nominated because she didn't believe she had the chances to win. No matter how many times I told her she was amazing and that she deserved to win she never believed me. I guess the good thing about that was she wasn't like most celebrities who thought they were better than everybody, no Rayna was humble.

The day of the CMAs you couldn't get her to sit still for the make up and hair people which was driving them crazy and I was trying not to laugh at her excitement which reminded be of the expression like a kid in a candy store. After walking the red carpet, giving a few interviews and, getting our picture taken like a million times we made our way back stage. Because no only was she nominated for an award she was also asked to sing tonight. When they announced that she had five minutes before she was suppose to go on you could see the fear creep into her. Rayna finally let it sink in that she was going to be playing in front of people that she admires and those she yearns to be accepted by. When I saw this I walked over to her and told her no matter what I think shes amazing and if she needs to just look at me and pretend that I'm the only one there, that seemed to calm her down enough so she didn't look like she was about to pass out anymore. Right before we went on she gave me a quick kiss and then left to go get on stage to perform.

"I can't imagine, any greater fear  
Then waking up, without you here,  
And though the sun, would still shine on,  
My whole world, would all be gone,  
But not for long,

If I had to run, if I had to crawl  
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,  
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,  
There's no place that far

It wouldn't matter why we're apart,  
Lonely minds or two

stubborn hearts  
Nothing short of God above  
Could turn me away from your love  
I need you that much

If I had to run, if I had to crawl  
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,  
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,  
There's no place that far

If I had to run, if I had to crawl  
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,  
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,  
There's no place that far

Baby there's no place that far"

Everyone could tell how much we loved each other during that performance even if we didn't know ourselves at that time. After we got done singing we went back stage to change and then go to our assigned seats to wait and see if she would win the CMA for new female vocalist. What felt like years they finally announced her category and as soon as they did I felt Rayna start to squeeze my arm real tight but I didn't complain I knew she was nervous. When they got through all the nominees and made the mandatory pause they announce Miss Rayna Jaymes as the winner, I knew she had it in her. I looked over at Rayna as she got up to go accept the award I could see the shock written all over her face but I could also see the absolute joy there too.

When she got to the stage and accepted the award she stepped up to the mic and thanked the record label and producer like everybody does when they win because they wouldn't have been there without them. What shocked me the most was the fact that after she thanked them she looked me straight in the eyes and told everyone that without me she wouldn't be here today. After her thank you speech she walked off stage and straight into my arms and gave me a big kiss and told me she truly couldn't have done this with me .

I snapped out of my memory when I had to slam on the breaks because I had almost ran through a red light. Thinking about that memory brings a smile to my face while at the same time breaks my heart. There's never been an award that she was nominated for that I wasn't there with her to accept or on rare occasions not accept and now it looks like that I'll be missing this awards show.

Realizing that I shouldn't be thinking about Rayna when I'm behind the wheel of a car I turn on a non country radio station and turn up the volume in hopes of drowning out the thoughts of Rayna. Of course that back fired when I truly listened to the lyrics of the song.

"  
Look around  
There's no one but you and me  
Right here and now  
The way it was meant to be  
There's a smile on my face  
Knowing that together everything that's in our way  
We're better than alright

Walking between the raindrops  
Riding the aftershock beside you  
Off into the sunset  
Living like there's nothing left to lose  
Chasing after gold mines  
Crossing the fine lines we knew  
Hold on and take a breath  
I'll be here every step  
Walking between the raindrops with you

Take me now  
The world's such a crazy place  
When the walls come down  
You'll know I'm here to stay  
There's nothing I would change  
Knowing that together everything that's in our way  
We're better than alright

Walking between the raindrops  
Riding the aftershock beside you  
Off into the sunset  
Living like there's nothing left to lose  
Chasing after gold mines  
Crossing the fine lines we knew  
Hold on and take a breath  
I'll be here every step  
Walking between the raindrops with you

There's a smile on my face  
Knowing that together everything that's in our way  
We're better than alright

Walking between the raindrops  
Riding the aftershock beside you  
Off into the sunset  
Living like there's nothing left to lose  
Chasing after gold mines  
Crossing the fine lines we knew  
Hold on and take a breath  
I'll be here every

step  
Walking between the raindrops with you  
Between the raindrops with you  
Between the raindrops with you

Between the raindrops with you"

By the end of the song I knew I had to at least try to get Rayna back,I know I am way better with her than I am without her. She's my everything and these last few years without her and just having to live of memories of us wasn't going to work anymore. like the song said knowing that together everything that's in our way we're better than alright.


	5. Chapter 5

When I got another break from the tour I high tailed it back to Nashville, since I realized that I needed Deacon back focusing on the tour was starting to become impossible. When I got back to to Nashville all I wanted to do was run over to Deacon's house and kiss him but I promised Tandy that as soon as I got back I would go see her and catch up so I got in my car and drove over to Tandy's house. When I got there I realized how much I missed her Tandy had stepped up and took care of me when our mother died and when daddy and I started to have problems. For the next hour we talked all about the tour and all the places I saw. When the normal conversation started to dwindle Tandy could tell I was holding something back from her and she started to questioning me about it. Not being able to keep anything from her I told her everything from walking away from Deacon to my realization. Tandy being who Tandy is basically told me that going after him again was horrible idea because he almost brought me down with him and I try it again there's no guarantee that he won't do it again and this time succeed.

A part of me agrees with Tandy that maybe going after him would only end end worse than the last time and the last I barely survived . But a bigger part of me knows that I can't live without him any longer he's the reason I'm where I'm at in my career and the reason my heart keeps beating. So while its a big risk to go after him it's an even bigger risk to my heart not to. Tandy saw in my eyes that I wasn't going to listen so before I left she gave me a hug and told me to be careful and if anything happens she will always be there for me.  
When I left I got in my car and drive right to Deacon's house when I got there I started to have some doubts . What if he's moved on? What if me leaving again broke him and he started to drink again? Before I could knock I heard music coming from inside and as much as I don't want

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you  
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there, you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

Listening to him sing I knew that song was about me. Deacon always has this sound in his voice when he was singing about me or for me and no matter how much heart break we caused each other will change sound. Knowing that the song was about me answered my questions he still wanted me and he was still very much in love with me just like I was in love with him. I can't take being separated anymore I though I wanted to kiss him when I got off the bus but now that need was a lot stronger. So I picked up my hand knocked on his door and held my breath.


	6. Chapter 6

BROKEN ROAD RASCAL FLATTS

for those who are still reading this story I was going to wait to upload but thought what the heck

Knowing that Rayna will be back today is a blessing and a curse. This is the day I have been waiting for since that day in the car. There's so much that needs to be said to one another but we have been stuck in this cycle where we need to say something but we end up just walking away. I hope this time I find enough courage to talk to her because living without her isn't an option anymore. Rayna is everything to me she's the reason I got sober and the reason I've stayed sober. I tried to find out the right words I will say to her when I see her but I keep coming up blank so I grab my guitar and start playing random cords. Soon I realized exactly what I needed to do so I grabbed some paper and pen and start writing. After about an hour the song was finished and I realized I knew what I wanted to say but it never felt right to express my feelings to Rayna with words and not music.

When I finished I called Coleman to tell him my plan to get Rayna back. After I finished Coleman started to talk to tell me that I shouldn't do that because she was in my past the same with my drinking. I wasn't stupid I could read between he lines I knew exactly what he was trying to say. He basically said without saying it that if I go back Rayna then I will more than likely go back to drinking. I told him that I got sober for Rayna and I've stayed sober for Rayna and if she doesn't take me back I will stay sober because I have the reminder that I lost her because of my drinking. When I finished Coleman replied that he was worried he knew what broken hearts could do to recovering addicts and he didn't want to see me fall of the wagon after all the hard work I put into my sobriety. I sighed then told him that being away from her broke my heart and I needed to at least try or I will live with what ifs for the rest of my life and those weren't good for recovering addicts either. Before we hug up Coleman told me that whatever happens he will be there for me if I need him. I thanked him then hung up.

I picked up my guitar and started to practice the song that I will sing and hopefully win Rayna back.

I set out on the narrow way  
Many years ago,  
Hoping I would

find true love  
Along the broken road.  
I got lost a time or two,  
Wiped my brow, kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

Every long-lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were just northern stars,  
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms.  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent  
I'd like to find the time I lost and give it back to you.  
You just smile and take my hand; you've been there, you understand,  
It's all part of a greater plan that is coming true.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were just falling stars,  
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms.  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

When I finished I packed up my guitar and decided to go see if I could find Rayna, I needed go see her and sing her the song. Most of all I just want to kiss her it's been so long since her lips have been on mine that I don't remember what her kiss feels like. As soon as I grabbed my keys there was a knock on my door and I couldn't hold in my anyone's sigh when I realized that Rayna might have to wait. So I put down my keys went to the door and slowly opened my door.


	7. authors note

HEY Y'ALL!

I NEED HELP FINDING SONGS FOR THIS STORY IF ANY OF Y'ALL HAVE SONGS PLEASE LET ME KNOW. THE SOONER I HAVE SONGS THE SOONER THE CHAPTER WILL BE PUT UP


	8. Chapter 8

**NOT MINE... USES THE SONG NOTHIN' LIKE THE FIRST TIME BY LADY ANTEBELLUM **

**Sorry it took so long I had writers block and I was trying to find the perfect song that would fit for this chapter... I would like to thank those who gave me some song ideas and even though they weren't used it gave me ideas for new stories... I would like to thank Natbenson who without her I doubt this chapter would have ever been finished**

When I saw the door begin to open my heart started to pound right out of my chest. So many scenarios of what could happen once Deacon sees that its me are going through my head and all of them did not end happily. When the door finally open and I saw Deacon for the first time in what felt like forever my heart began to swell. I could see the look of confusion on his face once it registered that it was me but i could also see happiness shining through.

Without saying anything he steps away from the door and lets me inside. Once we were on the couch and settled I tried to figure out what to say to him but I kept coming up blank. I never imagined he would allow me the chance to talk not to mention let me inside. So we both just sat there trying to figure out what to do or what to say.

Things with Deacon has never been this awkward even when he was in rehab or when I walked away from him. I guess this goes to show you what happens when you leave a lot of unsolved feelings behind and go without talking for a couple of years. I know I want to tell him I love him and how sorry I am for leaving but for some reason I can't put these thoughts into words and it looks like Deacon won't talk until I I was finally ready to open up my mouth and say whatever comes out a song comes flowing through the radio that stops me in my track.  
Last time I saw you I was fueling up  
At our old favorite coffee shop  
Then you walked up  
I tried to hide behind my cup  
When you said, how you've been doing,  
I gave you the typical line  
I've been fine  
But I was lying, and dying, yeah  
I was a kid in love  
You rocked me then and it still does cause

Hearing this song brings tears to my eyes because it's kind of our story of falling in love at a young age and believing you will be together forever. But things happen and you realize life isn't a fantasy so you break up but you still love each other very much.

Ain't nothin' like the first time  
Nothin' like the first smile  
Looking at you seeing forever  
Keeps me going till the last mile  
And I held on like crazy  
Until our goodbye baby  
And I still miss you lately  
Ain't nothin' like the first time  
Nothin' like the first time, yeah

I have missed Deacon everyday since I walked away and as much as I tried to put him behind me it never worked. He's the guy in my dreams the guy I wanted to marry some day. Deacon was the world to me and being away from him even though it was partially my fault hurts more than I thought it would.

I remember you stole my breath  
Underneath the stadium steps  
Now I'm walking 'round the block  
Ten years later knock knock knock  
Knocking on these memories  
Flooding back of you and me  
When love was free  
We were shining, flying  
Yeah, I didn't understand  
I had you right there in my hand

I remember our first tour and how our tradition of going to the nose bleeds got started. We just wanted to escape everyone's watchful eyes so Deacon dragged me up there and for the twenty minutes we were up there all we did was make out. As we matured the nose bleeds turned into a place to make out to a place to appreciate all our fans out there even those who couldn't afford the best seats. How did something so magical turn so miserable?

Ain't nothin' like the first time  
Nothin' like the first smile  
Looking at you seeing forever  
Keeps me going till the last mile  
And I held on like crazy  
Until our goodbye baby  
And I still miss you lately  
Ain't nothin' like the first time

First time  
Never get it back again  
But I still remember when  
First time  
First time  
There's a magic in the way  
You will always stay  
Yeah

Oh oh oh  
Ain't nothin' like the first time  
Nothin' like the first smile  
Looking at you seeing forever  
Keeps me going till the last mile  
And I held on like crazy  
Until our goodbye baby  
I still miss you lately  
Ain't nothin' like the first time

There's a magic in the way  
You will always stay  
There's a magic in the way  
You will always stay

When the song finished I looked up at Deacon and realized I wasn't the only one who was crying. When he looked in my eyes I could see the love he had for me and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was. So after sitting there on his couch for thirty minutes without talking I opened my mouth and said hi.


	9. Chapter 9

So it has been awhile with school and swimming starting up

let me know if yall want me to continue


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